Why are handjobs necessary in class?
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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