We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
