U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize