Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Bring me that man meat
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
