yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
