If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
my shit smells like andre
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
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