Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Less talking, more tequila
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
