I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
