He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
