Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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