R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
