I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
