I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
be right there i have to get my cape
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Randomize
