Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
