2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Buhtt sex?
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Randomize
