I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
