i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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