What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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