i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
