I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
