You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
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