on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
