you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
