I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
