I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
