You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize