So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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