he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
