Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Randomize