You can't special order awesome
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
