So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
