I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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