Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Is Oprah even human
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
