is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
