All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
