I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I seem to have left my pride at pride
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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