Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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