I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
He better not be in your backpack
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
