did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
