Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
