Banned from zoo.
Again?
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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