ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
