I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
