You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Randomize
