The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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