I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
