Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
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