Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
