I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
this just has baby written all over it
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
you told grandpa to call you daddy
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
