listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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