actually, I'm a sock model
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
