yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize