just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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