Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Two words: nipple clamps
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