I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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