chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
