i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
