Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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