so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
