My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
