I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
