If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
