saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Randomize
