he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Randomize
