dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Drake has all the answers
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
