ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
