I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
